Thank you so much for replying to my message, its good and a big help to see people like you giving their time, reading blogs like this.right now am trying to move on,, almost 2 months now that i totally stop communicating with her..of course until now every time i saw her picture on FB..i still get hurt.. but am trying really to move on.. thanks again. We were soul mates, no doubt about it. Mostly they dont want to be with someone that expects them to give 50% in a relationship. Wow so Im a narcissist I thought I was just conceded and love sort of makes me sick being inlove. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and sounds like a duck, then its a duck. I simply cannot walk around and pretend that everything is fine my husband can on the other hand he can walk around like hes done nothing wrong because he really does think he has done nothing wrong he tried to tell me that I told him he could cheat on me because when we first met I was going through something very difficult and I was not ready to be intimate with anybody and I decided to take it very slow with him in his mind that said she on the go ahead but I never once said that. They have the ability to stare to form tears, make pleas of remorse to a unsuspecting person and the victim is vandalized for good. She quite ready to show off her intelligence in any and every conversation. you cared for her and put her above yourself, she made you feel guilty for what you were not responsible for, you felt sorry for her, you have conscious, she does not, you are human and she is not, you are honest, she deceived for her personal gains, she wanted you as one of members of her club for special occasions to fulfill her sick needs. I have read through all of the posts and I am left wondering is it me or is it him. He complained about the hours but never about the raises or increases. I have no intention of returning, he ripped my heart out for nearly six years so all I have left is my brain, always go by your instinct. You will be glad you did. Yea I realize melvin g. Is not worth it. He constantly blames me for mistakes he makes should I dare interrupt his work, he is arrogant dealing with people, he is grandiose, rude, petulant, argumentative and always right! I also have mourned losing female friends as they dropped out of the program along the way..it is just more real now since we are done. Oh and people with NPD dont worry that they have NPD. I am pleading with God to help me make a run for it and never look back! Its not that we failed somehow or arent loveable. Anyway, what I am askingcould he have narcissist traits too?or am I looking at signs of survival traits for being married to a narcissistic person for so many years (over 20). Your ex partner is a narcissist & you are codependent which kind of makes you addicted to narcissist. was vicious to me, and fucked with my head. I was 55 and I had to start all over again, new job, new place, new everything. Says my current one is humiliating. Just business of raising children. The sweet wonderful person that you occasionally saw is a fabrication. When I confronted her about it, she would say things like he was a customer and found me on instagramits not my fault or i wanted to give this guy a discount so he took my number. It is a loveless marriage, it did not seem to start out that way. It is acceptable to accept that part of this condition can manifest itself in snide comments and insults. Just want to stop obsessing over this. Please forgive the cliche but only you really have the perspective to make a judgement. I wanted to be supportive ofcourse but it also raised a question in my head regarding that demon. 4. We have been married for 13 years and dated for 5. Ive been married for 15 years and now its over. iM MAD AT MYSELF FOR ALLOWING HIM TO DO WHAT HE HAS DONE.AND I KEEP HOPING FOR IT TO BE JUST MY OVER REATIONG AND INSECURITIES..WHY ELSE WOULD HE STILL BE WITH ME AFTER ALL THE FIGHTING , HE MUST CARE SO I STICK IN IT TELLING MYSELF IM OVER REACTING.AND WERE JUST NOT COMMUNICATING. I am surprised that I am so uncomfortable doing this. I know!! . have I done so many bad things to people in my life that this was just everything coming back to me is this what I deserve..I stop and think but what was it that Ive done so wrong and so bad to others, was I really that awful and that bad, just cant be can it? Are you absolutely certain you are the victim here. After my last leave, I came back to my country feeling sad and depressed. I had taken cold medication and something to help me calm down from the panic attack I had while he was raging at me. How does he react when you go deep, or are vulnerable? It didnt make any sense. We went to counseling, and when the counselor told him that you have a low level of emotional maturity, and Trina has a very high level of emotional maturity LOL it was on as he now puts it that was the breaking point the counselor also told him that Trina carries herself very well. What was that? It makes more sense now and that these people actually are abusive and real and it is not just our imaginations. All along still begging me to marry him. The Gril is with the so called mother and will needs big time healing at some point in her life. Your question about should you feel guilty? I was left ( the bombshell) but he kept on using me for his supply as he needed my money. I keep thinking of what we would be doing together if I were there. So needless to say, there is no truth to any of these stories, no one could possibly understand seeing past the lies. Your man seems to be making a real effort but how do you know if this is not just a coverup to keep in the relationship and finally control you. I feel as if I dont know myself anymore Ive lost interest in everything i have a hard time being creative which always just came so naturally instead I feel down,sad,depressed. Weve only been together four months and I already suffered so much from her constant putting me down and gigantic self esteem. I think he is still enjoying knowing he did it. He flirted with men and women to the point that he allowed others to put me down in front of him in order to get his attention and vise versa. Its a strange road to not be angry, nor bitter, nor surprised. It was like I let her down. That catty girl in high school who victimizes other girls and verbally attacks boys is a strong contender for adult narcissism. So I sort of feel screwed either way I am damned if I leave him and I am damned if I dont leave him. She then started sending me photos of mens watches and asked me which one I wanted. ), I strive to be the best at everything I do, I constantly compare myself with others (to the extent that I have a hard time congratulating them when theyve made an achievement), I am a perfectionist (probably OCD), I have a hard time explaining how I feel, I have a low self esteem even though Ive accomplished a lot (good education & job), I am a little controlling, and (the reason that I started searching the internet / found this website) I have been making jokes that put down my wife when were in public / with friends or family, which is not very often. I always felt lonely and not being cared for (of course I can care for myself but in a relationship one wants to feel that the partner cares). Relationships with a narcissist will always remain one-sided since they lack empathy and concern for others. But Im falling to pieces. I have realized the reason it is so hard, at least for me, is that I accepted so much from her and tolerated so much and she still left me. You have misinterpreted what I have posted but its understandable when you have not been in a narcissistic relationship for a long period of time. I thought I was just going thru difficult phase in life because of arranged marriage and my husband hell bent bringing all his sisters, aunts problem home. The question is simple, rating yourself on a scale of 1-7: To what extent do you agree with this statement: I am a narcissist. But I ted to over analyze details to be able to apply them. I cant say my name & trying to book out fast. These narcissistic traits lead to two dangerous byproducts: exploitation and bad boundaries. This guy treats me with respect and kindness but I worry he will be boring in time. I was left alone with my problems and even criticized for being sad and depressed after I realized what a disappointed case he was. He neglected his family so much and wouldnt discuss it at all. While you may not be able to invite him to extended family events due to how others feel about him, continue to invite the two of them to do things with you. There are no brass bands or awards and almost everyone has a hard earned grade point of 3.9/4.0 or higher. My parents are divorced. No, hateful. She would tease this man to the point of cruelty. Completely not anle to see how he is hurting me and we have three children. Anyway, a few months after we started dating (something he hasnt done in years, suspiciously) and can say he has said nothing remotely like it since. In fact, many if not most who have issues, become more compassionate about people like themselves.they often understand the idea that the person the world sees is not the person inside. So we married and shortly there after we had our first therapy appointment. My ex is a solicitor so I have had heaps of fun in family court. I am just starting on my own healing journey. I shut it off, stopped thinking about it. An essential question: why do men and women fall victim to manipulative relationships and can not break free from the tactics of the perverse games of the pathological narcissist? Dear Matthew your wife is a perfect a case of NPD / BPD , these people are not capable of loving and they never care for feelings of others if you wanna make her come after you show strength the more you become kind or loving towards her the more she will take advantage of you and its better for you to come out of this marriage slowly because in the end you will suffer more heavily . The bedroom isn't their only means of brainwashing. In ways this person was very giving. You can love someone without allowing them to hurt you and your family! the first thing he complained about when he got home this time was my Tupperware drawer being messy, as pathetic as it appears its the truth. My heart has healed tremendously and I feel like I can now really move on. No one is perfect enough for a narcissist. Eventually I began to excuse away the lacks I felt, although I did get angrier and angrier. 1. He took all the good about me and destroyed it, turning me into a grovelling wreck while he towered over me screaming youre useless, worthless and other great phrases. As far as she was concerned I had again let her down and had not done what she wanted. At the end of the day, the narcissist is her own worst enemy, sabotaging any chance at happiness as she continues to live a life devoid of human connection. I have dated quite a few the last few years and appear to be attractive to them. I read about this behavior & it he definitely goes underneath with this. Im struggling to work, look after the kids, Im left with debt and bills and a house thats falling apart yet he comes out like a king and walks straight into a perfect relationship. Remember they can be a charming as a sly-ass fox, but one thing is for damn sure They will make you feel like you are insane.Pleasee, please, please, please get as far away from a narcissist as you can before you snap and hurt yourself or them or the both of you. If you read some of the posts above, youll see that this cycle seems to be a road that the non-narcissistic partner travels alone until they can work it all out in their own minds. His word and opinion was right & mine didnt count. Paranoia or maybe just thinking EVERYBODY is watching them because they feel they are just that fascinating. In my case, my wonderful narcissist tries so hard to be perfect and blameless (and better than anybody else) that it was just hard to line him up with the way a narcissist is traditionally defined by a set of behaviors and narcissists are masters at hiding behind and staging behaviors to keep you confused It just all felt so fake and cold, and I didnt get clarity until I started to focus on the emotional hardwiring of a narcissist and how they relate (or avoid relating) to the world emotionally. And if i ask to go anywhere, he says maybe or ill think about it. with his own twist. He kicks me out i quit leaving there for awhile cause its my house to, and he knows i have no where to go. Jorge, I am curious as to when and how you realized you had NPD and how it made you feel. Over the years, I have witnessed many people turning to, PsychAlive is intended as an educational resource. He ended up buying the same type of house we lived in but right around the corner, for him, her and her 2 kids. This helps tremendously! The no contract rule is extremely important with Narcissist break ups. I am soo powerful, I GAVE BIRTH TO A LIVING BEING! And Im trying to feed it. His whole family thinks I was the problem. A narcissist will work to assert their power and control over time and time again. Similar to psychopathy, narcissism is genetic in nature and is an inherited trait. I knew he was not going to volunteer them. I need to have a conversation with her because we used to talk about everything, and I need to talk about why it happened and what we could have done differently. Trying to correct or enlighten a narcissist only draws more fire and hatred. I think so. I just broke it off with a man who did almost EXACTLY the same thing starting with how he gets a rise out of defending an ex and talking to other women on facebook saying he can do what he wants. If you come across a woman who constantly bad mouths other people, its not a question of WILL she bad mouth you? Simply I want a more abundant life and there are only so many hours in a day but there must be balance the beauty we desire we are capable of creating until we meet our other half we must be complete within ourselves. Narcissists often justify their responses by mentioning a previous achievement. And as disgusting as it is, I slowly let him back in my life, thus ruining my relationship with a sweet, caring normal person. Your sole purpose in life is to SERVE THEM. I know it wont work so why am I so gutted? I have since blocked all that. Your parents are still alive and I am hopeful they will help you to make a new life instead of suffering with this man that chooses not to cherish his wife. Do you feel that way? But as they say, hindsight is always 20/20, and know I cannot change the past, cannot change events, nor can I change my husband. By ordering you not to contact him, hes playing you because its what you really should do. It is critical not to expect things to happen for a reason; instead, be proactive in your relationship and commit your time and energy to making it work. And she would do it in front of our children. They can be very possessive, jealous and paranoid about their partners having flirtations or affairs. I am in the same situation Jeff. Then she turned around and said for example, your mind is beautiful, your interactions with others is beautiful, sure your face may not be WOW, but its I just want to let her be, who she is, who I fell in love with, and i am so afraid ill loose her if i give up my control. Best wishes. I yelled at her. Wow! In one week, I feel better about myself than I have in 41 years. Stop shaving your hair and go-tee thing all the way down to assure no grey will show. He was so self absorbed, very needy and spent his life bragging about his success and achievements. My father in-law is, as Ive recently discovered, is a classic narcissist. He treats me like a child if I leave the light on he will say why dont you turn the light off or stop leaving this is mess or dont forget to turn the outside light off or dont forget to feed the cats or dont forget to pay the phone bill or dont forget to do this dont forget to do that you never do this you never do that Im always doing everything I just need a break . Did he do all this on purpose for me to see? So me and my mum made the decision enough is enough and we feel better for it, we are just trying to get through this and move on from him, he is just never going to change ever, its like we have been thrown away and we don,t know why, we have asked all kinds of questions and nothing works all kinds of approaches, he will not get help, no doctors, no hospitals, according to him they are all wrong, no life is worth this. I realized just how afraid I was in any relationship after getting out of such a terrible one. we have pointed out to him that she is a narcissist but progress is very slow. He also made it a point to say he was not seeing anyone elseHowever later that evening I called his cell phone and his Ex GF answered his phone. Omg. Whats caused him to do this to me? I could totally relate to what you said. I was looking down to see cloud nine for the first 7 months. He has made me feel like the worst person who ever walked earth. Honestly, though I find those people in my life to be a distraction. Dont damage others because you dont feel worthy in the first place. He drives one and the other sits there. So I will say this we all have to provide a living for me what drew me was the thought of life abundant. Forgive yourself for not knowing you were getting caught in a sick head game, remember your worth and your goodness and begin to recognize even the SLIGHTEST character trait of these sad, struggling people. Just remember that not everyone is like that and try to find someone that can empathize with your past relationships and help you work through damage that has been done maybe not even a new significant other but even just a friend, to remind you that you are wonderful and that you will be okay life is too short to spend it miserable and knocked down by someone who never cared in the first place. You become their emotional (physical) punchbag, upon which they will project all their inner turmoil, whilst telling you that you are the crazy one! It is not You, however. Im an emotional and physical mess and its starting to affect me in my school that Ive tried so hard to be the best at. 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